My Dearest Dekoh,
Today is your one year angelversary and I wanted to sit down to write you my thoughts to let you know you are on my mind every minute of every day. I still cannot believe it has been one year today you went to the Rainbow Bridge. I started to collect pictures from your life to create a slide show of your life which I have not completed it yet and I will, but as I look over all of the pictures I have taken of you it seems like just yesterday you came home as a little ball of fur. Time just went way too fast.
As I sit here thinking of what to write to you I can only think of all the great times we had during your time on this earth. This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts of you for me but please know that the thoughts of you is what gets me through the day. I look back on the many things we experienced together when you were by my side and every experience was a great memory. When I take my walks in the neighborhood I think of you running and playing ahead of me looking for the next child to play with or just trying to find that rabbit to chase. This past Halloween was extremely hard for me as this was the first time in many years I did not have you here to dress up in a new outfit to show you off to the world, which I know you only put up with it just for me and I greatly appreciated it.
I know that if you could talk to me you would tell me that I need to move on but it has been very difficult for me to move on knowing how much you were a part of my life in everyday happenings. I miss waking up in the morning and seeing you lay on your bed looking at me just waiting for me to move around so we can start a new day, which you were always happy to see a new day even up to the last day on this earth. I miss having you go out to the front lawn to get the newspaper as you so enjoyed especially when it had snowed. I miss making your breakfast and sitting there eating my cereal know the day is just getting started. I miss having you with me on my walks and there are some days I just do not feel like walking but I know you are touching me on my shoulder to say “come on grab my collar and let’s go walking” so I pull myself up and keep going.
I have decided not to be at the house tonight as it will bring some extreme emotions out knowing that you were laying on your bed in such great spirits not knowing that day was your last day with me, but I know you are no longer in any pain. I want you to know that I am not running away but only that I need that space to help cope with the emptiness I have in my heart. I know that people say it gets easier as time passes but I have to say it does not. I am always thinking of you as well your two brothers, Zieg and Toby, playing together and having a great time. As you already know your sister, Zoya, joined you this year to frolic in the tall grass and swim in all the ponds you want. I know that Zoya’s pawrents miss her very much just like I miss you.
I want you to know that you will never be forgotten no matter how many days, months, years go by you are always in my heart.
Today is a day that will never become easy for me, but knowing that you are up there looking down on me helps me make it through each day. I love and miss you, Zieg and Toby very much. I know you guys are waiting up there for me to come join you and one day we will be back together.
Love you, Dad
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